Today I decided to be one of the ridiculous ones. I was going to face the world of retail and what was more, I was going to face it the day after Thanksgiving.My wife woke up early to get a head start and I hung back to stay with the kiddos. She was gone for almost 5 hours. I am surprised she made it back in one piece. I got hourly updates on her status and at one point I think she was calling for an air strike with agent orange.
I am still not quite sure why she brought home a head on a stick, something about a celebration ceremony from winning a 13 battles in a row. I think it is similar to the Medal of Honor in the retail world.
After she came home and was nursing her wounds, bandaged up in the medical tent, I decided to go out and face the dangers myself, after all I still had to
I drove down the road like a skillful Hum-V driver navigating a mine field. After warding off a surface to land assault and dodging mortar from all directions, I found a parking space.
As I rolled into the lobby I threw a flash grenade and jumped behind a bench. People around started looking at me like I was crazy. The weird thing was, there were only 10 people. No herds, no need for guerrilla warfare tactics, man, what kind of black Friday was this?
"This is weak!" I said.
As a huge Navy Seal looking guy gives me the eye, I cower back behind the bench and a whisper comes out "No, I wasn't talking about you, please don't kill me."
I walked around the mall. People were jovial and laughing. No one was in a bad mood or trying to rip each other's heads off for the last Cinnamon sugar pretzel at the pretzel shop (those things are awesome and I wouldn't think twice about bringing a head home on a stick for one of those!).
After a couple hours of mindless wandering I got a few things and made my way back out to the car, but not before being harassed by my jeweler (they are great and I love them, we give each other heck all the time) about upgrading my wife's ring from a 1/2 carat to a full carat diamond. I told him that if he came up with a clever scheme, involving ninjas and smoke grenades, maybe I would listen. Maybe.
After arriving at home, I showed off my battle wounds. A bruised shoulder from rolling around on the hard ground and a paper cut from the bag one of my items was stored in.
Obviously I didn't get a Medal of Honor, much less a Purple Heart. Apparently my black Friday was more of a lavender color. I am quite disappointed and want my refund. Stupid disappointing black Friday.
~Sal
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5 comments:
Sal, I'd say you were one of the lucky ones!
Sal - You crack me up!
I got at 3am to hit the stores at 4am. Didn't want to...but my hubby and his mom did. So I threw myself on that grenade and went.
I didn't buy a single thing.
I didn't see any great deals. At least not anything that I thought was worthy of standing in insanely long lines.
I hate Black Friday. Hate the typical insane attitude (i.e. the Wal-mart worker in NY that was killed). But then, I'm not much of a shopper. My husband can outshop me any day of the week. ;)
I went shopping - I didn't really find anything intersting except the Twilight soundtrack for my friend's daughter - it wasn't crowded at all - it was fun though - I like Christmas shopping
@Samar: I guess so, but it still would have been nice to get a Medal of Honor or something. I didn't even get a sticker on my hand...nothing!
@Tina: I'm sorry you had to go like that. It must have been awful painful. Did you at least lose a leg so you could get an award?
I hate long lines too. It just doesn't make any sense. I figure I can go online, in my boxers, order what I want and have it shipped to my front door. Tada...no lines.
@Tony: I guess that isn't too bad. Did you hear about the Walmart stampede?
Well, Sal, dear, you did a couple things wrong for that medal. First , you have to be at Wal-Mart at 3 a.m. or earlier. Second, you have to really want one of their big door buster items...enough to wait in line for hours for them to cut the black plastic off. Third, you have to be willing to get what you want regardless of collateral damage to you or anyone else. It helps to be fast!
I was lucky. I went to work at 4:30 a.m. as usual, operating a medical tent for the survivors from Wal-Mart across the street, and sent dear hubby out to brave the crazy crowds. He failed to reach his goal, so he spent another $150 and got a better brand.
Why did he fail? He got to Office Depot at 4:45 and was the 51st person in line. They only had 30 of the item we wanted. So he got a better brand and we eat peanut butter for a week. /shrug. He finds it fun. I find it an induced migraine lol.
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