"A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction." - Rita Mae Brown
On a recent trip to the store, who am I kidding, on almost every trip to the store, Bella reacts to being tired. This reaction usually involves some sort of tantrum, and to that tantrum a world of other reactions usually take place.These reactions include everyone looking at what is going on and discussing amoung themselves rather quietly, my wife's reaction of embarasement, and my reaction to get the shopping over as soon as possible so we can get home and Bella can take a much needed nap.
So many reactions guide us through our day. Finally the reaction of frustration took its course, and I had nothing other to do than stop and figure out an action to end all of this chaos.
Eureka! Don't you just love those type of moments? How about we plan to go to the store only after Bella has taken her nap and is refreshed? That is a great idea!
Here is the only problem now, that I am still trying to figure out an action to avoid; we have to now plan our day around Bella's schedule which is a bit inconvienient at times. To avoid the reactions that will undoubtedly follow, we cannot take her out into public right before she needs a nap.
Wow, I feel like Frankenstine's master.
I know you have all had them, so this question shouldn't be a shock of any kind. What actions have you taken to avoind the consequent reactions?
~Sal
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17 comments:
Mostly we stick to our schedule and make them adapt. Yes, they're more difficult unrested, but even at two years old, they're old enough to understand who is making the rules. If they're intolerable, we remove from the situation, and give them a consequence at home. By avoiding the situation, the only lesson learned is that they are the architect of the family agenda.
babysitter, if not one parent stays home to watch the kids...Sometimes you just got grin and bear it and let the world be damned!
I agree with writer dad. The kids need to adapt to the parents. Period. It's the only way.
@WD: We may have to revisit this in the very near future. If you have ever read "The Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson, it describes Bella to a tee.
I remember one experience we walked through the store for an hour with her screaming and yelling, trying to ignore her. As soon as we left the store she was fine.
I think it is time to rehash who is boss. I completely agree.
@Chris: I agree 100%
@Mrs. Scovens: Welcome. Glad to see you stop by. Thank you for the agreement on the advice. This will definately have to get another go round.
As a childless person, I'm with Chris - if you can avoid taking a child who is prone to tantrums (for perfectly normal reasons) out in public then those of us with out children will love you for it!
From my point of view the decision to have kids often conflicts with the desire to continue one's life the same as it was before the kids came.
Good luck finding the balance with the schedule and the peaceful existence for the rest of the world! {grin}
@Alex: Yea, thanks buddy {grins back} you just wait, I am going to get her over-tired, sugar her up, tell her she can't have that toy and then come stand right next to you. (I would never really do this, just if anyone is wondering)
Hi Sal - I know what you mean - kids get tired, stores are boring and hot and they don't want to be there. I guess most of us can remember what if feels like to be a child.
Sometimes it's good for us to change our schedules to fit with our kids. And I don't think too much shopping is good for any of us.
@Cath: It isn't the overload of shopping that is the problem. It is the overload of the kid.
I remember well enough when I was a child, my mom left numerous full shopping carts to take me out to the car till I could calm down, and then would go back in and finish shopping when I was ready.
I think that was a great idea because it taught me that she wasn't going to stop what she was ultimately doing because of my tantrum.
I have to disagree with some of the posts. If your child is genuinely tired, they ought to rest. Kids need a regular schedule and once its set, you ought to do what you can to maintain it. We work around my son's naptime. If we mess it up, he won't and can't nap, and then he's off kilter the rest of the day. Of course, you may want to take my advice with a grain of salt as many of the posters have more experience in this area than me, and my son is only 16 months old, and probably in more need of sleep that older children.
@Blogger Dad: When Bella was younger, she used to sleep all the time. I know exactly what you mean. She has her schedule, and when we deviate from it, that is when pandora's box is opened yet again.
I am with BloggerDad on this one. Up until about 2 weeks ago neither of our children were on a schedule, for the simple reason, I don't care too much for them, I am a seat of your pants type! Since putting both of them on a schedule, we have had fewer instances of temper tantrums. However I will throw this in as well, I believe we should work around their schedules, for the simple fact that they didn't ask to be put on this earth, Sal and I decided to bring them here, and I think we should cater to their needs, rather than forcing them to behave while working on our schedule ...
@Jessica: This is very true.
I saw a movie years ago that asked the question, "Who's the parent here?" Fortunately these tantrum days don't last long but you need to control it now.
I do not have kids, but I believe that people (including kids) thrive on reaction. It feeds the ego when you get the reaction you are expecting. This is why certain people like to argue, because they know what kind of reaction they are going to get and the ego likes it.
So, by avoiding a bad reaction in the super market, you are looking for a better solution. I think what you are doing is perfect. Good luck,
@Valerie: Thank you for the reassurance.
@Jim: We all want attention. The only problem is that sometimes it doesn't matter if it is good attention or bad attention. To a child, attention is just that...attention.
Trin found a new word to describe our son, "spirited" and it kind of fits without any kind of negative connotations. Anyways, he has never done better than when he is on a schedule. He is a happy, active child, that loves people. If we happen to break the schedule it all kind of starts to unravel, and it has the ability to last for days. I think a little bit of sacrifice on the schedule and everyone is happier for it. There are time that the schedule can't be kept and i've found that distraction is the key, make sure you have toys and even a 2 minute walk out of the store will help "reset" his attitude. And in our little mans case this is kind of like the Gremlin rule, never let him go to sleep right before his nap time or bed time. If we have to wake him up to get him out of the car and into his crib, fuhgetaboutit (DEFCON 1).
@Franky: Spirited, that is a good word. Bella is the same way with sleeping before her nap. You should see the wacky stuff we do in the car to keep her awake till we get her home.
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