The way to get good ideas is to get lots of ideas, and throw the bad ones away. ~Linus Pauling
So, I just stumbled onto a little ditty that is a great tool for sparking the imagination. I will just call it The Mystical Portal of Random Yet Entertaining Creativityness for Your Cranium, or TMPRYECYC for short.
The first thing I saw was a little phrase, which you see in the title. I thought, *rubbing my hands together rather hastily with a smile so big it would have put the Cheshire cat to shame*;
"OH BOY! This is gonna be good!"
Without any further hesitation, allow me to begin:
1. Jumping out of a swing and then disobeying my mother: Needless to say I broke both of my arms 4 days apart when I was 5 years old. Got all that? But it gets better...they were identical breaks.
The first arm I broke jumping out of a swing; didn't even cry until the doctor told me it was broken. The person who said "knowledge is power" is slightly more intelligent than a jar of mayonnaise, forget that power stuff, it should have been "knowledge hurts FOOL!"
Second arm, here is where my utter disregard for authority comes into play. I'm not supposed to be at the park by myself, so where am I? You guessed it...at the stupid park, sitting on a huge post (I wasn't even doing anything!), by myself. I tried to get off, now imagine this with me, feet miss the ground, legs go flailing, try to put my hands down, but oh, wait, one arm is in a full cast.
Needless to say walking all the way back home to face my mom was not the most fun I have ever had.
Evil Knievil has nothing on me!
2. Telling a teacher how boring his class is: Please don't attempt this at school, home, or anywhere for that matter. I remember telling one of my History teachers that I would rather be trapped in a cage with 1000 pissed off muskrats than listen to another hour of his going on about the Industrial Revolution. A quick trip to the Principal's office straightened me out right quick.
3. Duplicating stunts seen in movies: You know that movie where the guy on a skateboard grabs on to the back of a car and hangs on for a ride? Doesn't work too well in real life.
I hung on to the back of my brother's car and everything was going great, until he turned the corner. I learned it isn't the flying through the air that hurts, it is the sudden stop at the end (figured I would have learned this from #1, go figure).
4. Cramming 17 people into a minivan: I had just received the coveted card of laminated bliss (also known as a driver's licence) and was hanging out at Wal-Mart; because that is the cool thing to do apparently if you live in Louisiana.
Everyone was there, which is why I said it was the cool thing to do, but we had all decided to go to the movies. I hopped in my 1989, dark blue, Ford Aerostar, Minivan with no A/C and only one operational seat belt (which happened to be the passenger seat belt by the way).
Next thing I know, the door is trying to be closed and I have some one's foot coming over the top of my seat. As I look in the back, as I didn't have a rear view mirror either, I saw a plethora, nay, a crap-load of people.
On the way, we end up getting pulled over, my heart was doing wind sprints between my throat and my stomach. My mom would have killed me, but luckily it was one of the parents of a guy in the car, he just laughed and told us not to do it again. Yessir!
5. Sleeping in the back window on long road trips: For all of you youngens out there, this was before kids were too good to go through the front window with the rest of their family. I remember crawling up into the back window ledge on long trips, I am just glad that my mom never got into any wrecks while I was up there.
I do however remember her stopping really fast and being body slammed with the force of a WWE wrestler into the back of the front seats. Wow, that is a pretty nifty way to wake up, flying through the air thinking "I thought this dream was over already," only to then realize it is indeed over and you had better brace for impact...NOW!
So, there you have it, my 5 worst childhood ideas, for some reason, most of them have a similar type ending, usually something dealing with pain and suffering, yada yada yada. And my mom said I would never make it to 25, boy did I show her!
What were some of your worst childhood ideas? Feel free to share!
~Sal
If you like what you are reading, please feel free to make yourself at home and subscribe to my feed. I promise you won't regret it.
So, I just stumbled onto a little ditty that is a great tool for sparking the imagination. I will just call it The Mystical Portal of Random Yet Entertaining Creativityness for Your Cranium, or TMPRYECYC for short.
The first thing I saw was a little phrase, which you see in the title. I thought, *rubbing my hands together rather hastily with a smile so big it would have put the Cheshire cat to shame*;
"OH BOY! This is gonna be good!"
Without any further hesitation, allow me to begin:
1. Jumping out of a swing and then disobeying my mother: Needless to say I broke both of my arms 4 days apart when I was 5 years old. Got all that? But it gets better...they were identical breaks.
The first arm I broke jumping out of a swing; didn't even cry until the doctor told me it was broken. The person who said "knowledge is power" is slightly more intelligent than a jar of mayonnaise, forget that power stuff, it should have been "knowledge hurts FOOL!"
Second arm, here is where my utter disregard for authority comes into play. I'm not supposed to be at the park by myself, so where am I? You guessed it...at the stupid park, sitting on a huge post (I wasn't even doing anything!), by myself. I tried to get off, now imagine this with me, feet miss the ground, legs go flailing, try to put my hands down, but oh, wait, one arm is in a full cast.
Needless to say walking all the way back home to face my mom was not the most fun I have ever had.
Evil Knievil has nothing on me!
2. Telling a teacher how boring his class is: Please don't attempt this at school, home, or anywhere for that matter. I remember telling one of my History teachers that I would rather be trapped in a cage with 1000 pissed off muskrats than listen to another hour of his going on about the Industrial Revolution. A quick trip to the Principal's office straightened me out right quick.
3. Duplicating stunts seen in movies: You know that movie where the guy on a skateboard grabs on to the back of a car and hangs on for a ride? Doesn't work too well in real life.
I hung on to the back of my brother's car and everything was going great, until he turned the corner. I learned it isn't the flying through the air that hurts, it is the sudden stop at the end (figured I would have learned this from #1, go figure).
4. Cramming 17 people into a minivan: I had just received the coveted card of laminated bliss (also known as a driver's licence) and was hanging out at Wal-Mart; because that is the cool thing to do apparently if you live in Louisiana.
Everyone was there, which is why I said it was the cool thing to do, but we had all decided to go to the movies. I hopped in my 1989, dark blue, Ford Aerostar, Minivan with no A/C and only one operational seat belt (which happened to be the passenger seat belt by the way).
Next thing I know, the door is trying to be closed and I have some one's foot coming over the top of my seat. As I look in the back, as I didn't have a rear view mirror either, I saw a plethora, nay, a crap-load of people.
On the way, we end up getting pulled over, my heart was doing wind sprints between my throat and my stomach. My mom would have killed me, but luckily it was one of the parents of a guy in the car, he just laughed and told us not to do it again. Yessir!
5. Sleeping in the back window on long road trips: For all of you youngens out there, this was before kids were too good to go through the front window with the rest of their family. I remember crawling up into the back window ledge on long trips, I am just glad that my mom never got into any wrecks while I was up there.
I do however remember her stopping really fast and being body slammed with the force of a WWE wrestler into the back of the front seats. Wow, that is a pretty nifty way to wake up, flying through the air thinking "I thought this dream was over already," only to then realize it is indeed over and you had better brace for impact...NOW!
So, there you have it, my 5 worst childhood ideas, for some reason, most of them have a similar type ending, usually something dealing with pain and suffering, yada yada yada. And my mom said I would never make it to 25, boy did I show her!
What were some of your worst childhood ideas? Feel free to share!
~Sal
If you like what you are reading, please feel free to make yourself at home and subscribe to my feed. I promise you won't regret it.
17 comments:
Your poor poor mother! I just pray to GOD that my son is nothing like you. No offence!
Good heavens, your poor poor mother . . .
@Tara: I wasn't even the worst of them. I had two older brothers who got into way more stuff than I was ever able to.
Funny.....
I did a version of #3 but instead of a skateboard we tied a rope to the back of a pickup truck after a snowstorm and attached the other end to an inner tube. Had a bunch of people pile on & had a blast plowing through snow covered streets until the truck took a corner the inner tube swung wide right into a mailbox...ouch!
Every one over say 35 to 40 has probably done #5
Dave
@Dave: That sounds like a blast and I am sure that if there were snow in Louisiana, we probably would have tried that too.
Gotta love a warm window nap, especially after a big meal.
popped by your place through Liz' competition and i must say this post was amusing!
Philip. =D
@Phillip: Thanks for stopping by. If you found this one amuzing you should check out a few of my other recent ones.
oh my you are seriously funny, i'll be back for sure. thanks for stopping by.
i loved this one "knowledge hurts FOOL!"
I guess my brother and I thought it was a good idea to ride a bike together going down a hill with him in the front. He jumped off the bike and I woke up in the hospital with a water head…don’t remember jack…just what I’ve been told. Blacked out.
@Natural: Thanks, I have been following your blog for about a week now. Sorry it took me so long to finally speak up.
That is impressive!
If I got a nickel for every teacher who heard their class was boring from me, I'd have like.... fifty-five cents.
@WD: Sounds to me like you need to go back to your old schools and make some of that profit up. Just walk around the halls screaming, pointing and causing general disorder and chaos, man that would be a blast.
Hi Sal: Once in college I yawned extraordinarily long and loud in a history class taught in a tiny room with about 10 people (no way the professor wasn't going to notice and no way I could pretend it wasn't me). The professor promptly said: "I'm sorry to be boring you Marelisa". He was really boring, but I still felt terrible.
I think I'd keep the minivan one - that sounds like memory-making fun!
@Marelisa: Ok, same class as above, I sat right in front of a bookshelf with glass doors. I was nodding off (you know when your head starts to drop and you wake up and jerk it back to neutral). Well needless to say I was getting frustrated with falling asleep then BANG! I jerked my head up and right into the glass, there was a huge crack. I couldn't stop laughing.
@Lori: Oh, trust me, it was a blast until someone said "Uh...Sal, I think you are getting pulled over" because I couldn't even see the lights out the back window.
I tried the skateboard thing too. My brother and I took turns driving while the other held on. I did okay.
My brother ended up ramming into a parked car and rolled over the trunk of it. Fortunately both he and the skateboard came away unscathed.
When I was 10, I decided it would be fun to be have my friend's 130-lb. Great Dane pull me on roller skates.
This was back in the 70's, so the concept of wearing knee pads or a helmet did not occur to either of us.
Did I mention that I wore nothing but a Speedo bathing suit?
Needless to say, serious ROAD RASH.
It tooks weeks to heal.
- Friar
@Chase: That is a good thing, unfortunately in my situation, the concrete sidewalk took the victory.
@Frier: I had a Great Dane too. I used to hop on my skateboard and let her pull me around for about an hour each day to get some exercise...it was a blast, just have to watch out for those storm drains, the grates have a tendency to eat skateboard wheels.
This was hilarious! "This was before kids were too good to go through the front window with the rest of their family..." Priceless! I can't think of too many stupid things I did as a kid.
I'm probably the opposite of you; my mistake was spending too much time making paper dolls when I should have been falling off fences and breaking bones. I'd be a much more well-rounded person at this point. :)
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